Un-Un-Cat, Episode 16. — Home is where the heart is.

U.G. waited just off stage before her first-ever nationally syndicated TV show appearance. The instinctual frightened cat versus the personal appearance you-can-do-this; it took half of her will power just to hold down the hackles pushing on her fur to stand up on end to make her look bigger than she was, the other half of her being told her to put one foot in front of the other, and walk towards the blue armchair on that stage. The crowd was roaring, standing, clapping, occasional whistles made her ears flinch, but the mixed chant of “U.G.! U.G.!!” and “HUMAN!! HUMAN!!!” pushed her forward. Her nerves were on fire, she felt like she was seeing actual sparks and had to remind herself that they are only human.

“Please welcome the congresswoman from Idaho, Utah Green!”

The host with the confidence of a decade in comedy ran over to greet her. His practiced embrace, a kiss near the cheek but his lips not touching the skin of his guest, failed him. The telepathic AI-Critter in her bra heard him thinking “Whiskers!? I think my lips have cat hair on them!” Then his eyes met hers. “Green cat-eyes!!!” He automatically took her hand, like leading her to the dance floor, only up the step towards the chair, feeling the pads and fur of her paws he thought. “She writes and types with those hands?!… Wow! People debate whether or not she’s a cat. She’s a cat!”

U.G. waved at the band and the crowd and then settled in the chair with a tablet and stylus in her lap.

“So, it must be a bit awkward, to have the first name Utah, and be the representative for your home state of Idaho.” He was saying, more of an observation than a question.

She nodded. “Yes. Everyone who gets to know me calls me U.G.”

“It is quite clear most of the audience knows you U.G. I think most of them are wearing you. There are a lot of your T-shirts..everywhere really. I see them, you printed on T-shirts, not just tonight but for a while now. It’s so nice to actually meet you in person. U.G.” He was shuffling his light blue cue cards nervously tapping them and flipping to the next question as if none of the lines on those cards were working for him.

“I have always wanted to tell you how much I enjoy your show. Thank you so much for making us laugh when we needed to laugh.” U.G. said. “Even the old show, when you were decisively mean. The character you were playing, he was not a nice guy, but he was perfectly terrible. Perfectly done. You are, I never imagined I would ever be here in this chair, but I’m glad it’s this show, now, to get to thank the real you.” She stopped blathering, and took a breath looking at the crowd, their faces, people wiggling in their chairs, looking back at the stage, calmed her.

“Wow, thank you U.G. Thank you very much. But, enough about me, let’s talk about you!” He was trying not to scream, in his head, he was reeling. “She’s a cat! She’s really a cat! She’s a human-sized fluffy talking Cat!!!” He pointed at the large round button on the lapel of her jacket. It was an American flag with a little green house on it, the house stylized like a piece from a popular board game.

“U.G. 2020. HUMAN” He read the bold text on the pin, out-loud, to keep his composure.

U.G. smiled and began her routine. “Yes. H.U.M.A.N. is an acronym.

H. stands for Home as a right.

U. stands for universal job training for needed vocations. And as we all know, there is plenty of work that needs doing.

M. stands for medical care for all, as a right.

A. Stands for ArtCoin365. Stimulus for the arts, what people do better than AI and robots, the arts.

N. stands for Needs met, no questions asked. No haggling for entitlements. If you are hungry we give you food. If you need a place to call home,” U.G. waved her paw and pen tool in the air before she said.”… back up to H. housing as a right.

Housing really is where we need to start. We should not have any homeless people in a nation as wealthy as the United States of America.”

“I agree. Really I do. My heart goes out to all the homeless people, especially the families who have lost their homes. I hear you have built some impressive homeless shelters in Idaho to help keep people off the streets in Boise. But, America is a big country, with problems on a much grander scale than Idaho. How do you plan to fund housing for the rest of the country? Those shelter structures, and the staff required to run them, that can’t be cheap.” He checked off one of his note cards.

“True. The shelters are privately funded, mostly by business folks, but also by the vote of many, many people from all over, who agreed for me to spend their campaign donations on our non-profit housing foundation, the profit from the sales of T-shirts, mugs and tote bags, they check a box, and say yes, donate to the shelters, or no, please use my money to fund the campaign.” U.G. glanced out at the crowd when she mentioned the T-shirts, a few people had hooted and high-fived each other.

While the crowd cheered the bandleader made celebratory piano noise, dancing a scale up and down the keys and sang. “Yeah, housing as a right, what a sweet ideal.” into his microphone. “Home as a right, for everybody, that’s the American dream right there.”

“Thank you, Jon.” The host said. They all chuckled just a little, as the audience settled a bit.

U.G. continued. “The homeless shelters are a good place to start. But, the real challenge and goal is the entire revenue foundation for every school district. When you have a program in every county to help people just starting out as teachers and young police officers, with no-fee, low-interest loans as a benefit of their job. Help young people to own a home and earn equity in the county where they work and serve, instead of rent, then they pay property taxes.”

“Yeah, that would help with the low salaries of teachers and rookie police officers.” The host clapped.

“Yes, the program is helpful, some districts have a tough time with finding housing newly hired police officers can afford. The price of housing in Idaho and in many other states in the US has climbed steeply and funding for pay raises has not.”

The host nodded. He was doing that thing, that people did when they had the opportunity to watch a cat talk, they got sort-of hypnotized, ironically like a domestic cat watching a feather on a string. The host’s head with his lovely but asymmetrical ears tilting slightly as his eyes moved back and forth between U.G.’s eyes, her furry chin, and the sharp fangs of her canine teeth.

“We are currently working on the legal paperwork for green loans to help homeowners finance passive and renewable energy designs into their houses and businesses.”

“Like ah, ah, solar panels?… I have been hearing some noise about catalytic converters.” He grinned, as the crowd started cheering again.

“Yes, several types of solar panels, battery bank walls for electronics, greenhouse porches, radiant in-floor heating, in some cases, if the house is in really bad shape, complete upcycling of the house from the foundation up.”

“That is impressive.” He gestured towards her as he asked. “You okay to stay here and talk with us for a few more minutes?”

She nodded yes.

“When we get back I think U.G. will tell us more about how her campaign has a platform on the web for everyone to submit their ideas about how to help save the world from climate change.”

When they returned after the commercial break, the host and U.G. were dancing to the fun music the band was playing. One of the things U.G. loved most about humans was dancing with them. She did a little dance like an “Egyptian”, then spun hopping along the edge of the step and back up to the chair by the desk.

The host was clapping at the band and the crowd. “Here we are back to politics! That was wild. U.G. I didn’t know you could dance.”

“Oh yes. If I get elected President, more dancing, everywhere around the country, all the time.” She joked and the audience cheered. “Thanks, everyone.” She straightened up in the chair and looked out at the camera. “I don’t want to bring down the mood. But, in all seriousness. I feel the best thing I can do with my campaign for president of the United States is to listen to everyone. Listen and provide a platform to sort the data and do the math. The only way we are going to make even a dent in the work that needs to be done, to have a fighting chance to postpone the apocalypse is if everyone works together. And by postpone, how about a thousand years or so, give or take a year. Let’s do this! Let’s value life on the planet over profit. Let’s work together to shift from Gross Domestic Product to Gross National Happiness, with social capital valued more than people who sit on their butts and do nothing for the country except for raking in capital gains for themselves. Let’s flip the paradigm from cents with a dollar sign to common sense. Sort the data and do the math! America leading by example, actions speaking louder than words. Everyone working together, listening to problems that need solving and sharing ideas about the best actions for sustaining life on Earth!” U.G. raised both arms, a little fearful that she had extended her claws in enthusiasm, but the crowd didn’t seem to notice. She stood up at some point as she was getting carried away, and they stood up too, clapping and cheering.

It’s after the 2020 election now, so if you wish, skip this next episode. It was a prediction made, written and posted in April 2019. Un-Un-Cat, Episode 17. A WARNING from an Aspergers Spectrum Point of View for the 2020 Primaries.