Un-Un-Cat, Episode 19. — Poetic Justice a.k.a. Level Orange Catharsis.
The corrupt POTUS 45 was impeached 10 days before the election. To keep him occupied after several pathetic and insulting rounds of hearings they let him avoid Congress and run his campaign. He was holding rallies right up to last minute. When his team got the news it was almost no surprise that he fueled up his jet and fled the country to seek asylum from one of the dictators he admired and mistakenly assumed were his friends. Two out of three of the dictators 45 was “in-love” with, turned their backs and wanted nothing to do with the mess that was the impeached President of the United States. None of the wealthy who owned islands wanted anything to do with the fake-billionaire impeached POTUS either, so his plane was forced to land and he was taken aboard a Chinese cargo ship.
For the next five days, he was tracked by air and sea as they traveled from port to port. The impeached American POTUS faced riots of people from all over the world rejecting his ship-of-fools. At the third major international port, amidst the biggest protest, they allowed them to refuel. Cooperation between military and private airfields kept the riots peaceful by making sure no amount of money (plus their reputation and career) was enough to pay the helicopter pilot for that job. The united international protests were successful in blocking him from crossing borders in an attempt to stay in any of the resort hotels he owned.
The night of Monday, November 1st, before the 2020 election, the protests forced the ex-POTUS and ex-1st-family to be smuggled via cargo container off the ship, the caravan fleeing to a small protected military airport and then to a train. The world was grateful to the 3rd dictator for taking him in, so they could get back to their lives.
The 2020 election happened while POTUS-on-the-run was still aboard the cargo container on the train. Everyone in the world knew where he was, and the American people were too busy voting for the new commander in chief to bother with paying attention to him.
Republican Party nominee U.R.Green prepared for election night with party packs. As usual, a ton of her goodie bags sold months in advance. The hodgepodge of any unsold items from her campaign inventory of T-shirts, water bottles, buttons, patches, enameled steel coffee mugs, ceramic coffee mugs, anything and everything printed on with her name, slogan and image were raffled off via social media and shipped in custom commemorative U.R.Green reusable shopping bags. There was also red white and blue popcorn, environmentally safe bubble blowing kits, kites, flags, and funny running while waving cat “pinwheels”.
“As they say, out with the old, in with the new, everything must go.” U.G. joked as she greeted people and staff with gift bundles of swag followed close behind her.
It had been common knowledge that U.G. who rarely expressed hate for anything, hated balloons. A lot of effort had been put into making everything she sold as environmentally friendly as possible. She said she hated balloons because escaped bright-colored gas-filled inflated plastic of all types hurt wildlife, but many whispered that the life long source of U.G.’s hatred for balloons was because she had claws.
To bide the time while everyone waited for voting results to slowly cross the US from state to state, U.G.’s party had a giant digital “card”. People signed the virtual card via any touch screen or tablet pen and added an optional social media image of their election night party to the virtual map. The social media data was sorted by voting districts, not by actual location, but it was still an impressively coded presentation designed to unite people across the nation on election night.
She also had a running ‘wish list’. This list was text entry and had been posted on Congresswoman U.G.’s web page for years, with millions of wishes sorted by subject and ranked by popularity. For election day, the live feed of wishes scrolled on a TV-like reader bar, so much new text was added it had to be sorted by bots. Campaign media staff approved wishes were posted for a minute to 30 seconds before the next series of wishes scrolled by.
Over the entire duration of the election cycle, the Democrats’ break-up troubles had continued from July 2020 through all the presidential debates all the way to November because the majority did not get their candidate as nominee. Because the three candidates who had given the people hope were ripped off of the ticket at the Democratic National Convention, everywhere the Democrat nominee went, there were riots over recounts, gerrymandering, and lost voter registrations unresolved from the primaries. This time instead of being overconfident of a win, all the political pundits and podcasters were freaking out that they were going to lose to the Republicans, again! Many formerly professionally cool people digressed to screaming in protest about how it was way worse than what happened in 2016.
Watching the competition in the aftermath of the DNC, U.G. and her telepathic AI-Critter had been sorting the data and doing the math, and they very much liked the policy ideas of the three Democratic hopefuls the majority liked over most other Republicans. So, back in August 2020, when it came time for her to choose a running mate, the first choice on U.G.’s list was the 3rd place independent candidate who had lost the DNC nomination for a second time. She held a private meeting with the socialist-leaning independent Democrat.
The independent Senator exuberantly accepted U.G.’s invitation to be her running mate. They both wanted to run more as independents than as either Democrats or Republicans. And her aggressive stance on ‘Housing as a right’ and ‘Medical care for all as right’ lined up with his long-held beliefs for both. “The point by point, structural plans for both Housing and Medical care for all is impressive! I am very much looking forward to this race!”
The other two candidates ripped-off by the DNC were also invited to a meeting to be asked for a preference for a nomination to a cabinet position of either Secretary of State or Secretary of the Treasury. In other words, 4th or 5th in-line of succession. She accepted with thanks large chunks of their policy goals and they endorsed her as their candidate.
A couple of months before the election in August 2020 before the impeachment, when U.G. announced to the country that the very popular Independent/Socialist Senator was going to be her running mate the country was only surprised enough for the comedy news to talk about for two thirty-second jokes before they switched their attention back to the circus of a trial in Congress on CSPAN. The Republicans were also numb to being shocked by anything anymore and refused to give her up as their nominee. She was very popular, end of subject. U.G. would be an Independent/Republican with an Independent/Democrat as her running mate and no one seemed to care.
Election night 2020, the dominant corporate news talking-heads, Ken and Barb were doe-eyed as they shifted back and forth between election results and coverage of the ex-POTUS in exile.
“They were not greeted with open arms at the Palace. Only their son was welcomed. Look at that show, the little boy right there in the video, eating at the table to the right of the dictator, is the impeached president’s son. We have been told his son will continue his studies and sleep in the guest residence.” Ken said.
“Yes,” Barb said finding it difficult to pull her curiosity away from the still image of the boy pulled from the video clip. “As a mother myself, I find it…” She turns to Ken. “Isn’t it strange that his parents are not being housed in the Palace?”
“Yes. Where is he? We have been told all three members of the first family, excuse me, impeached first-family… We are told they are fine.” He gives Barb a funny look. “Does the entire first family get impeached?”
“Dunno.” Barb says with a shrug.“Meanwhile, The Republican candidate U.R. Green still has a clear lead.”
“Incredible. She is so…” They exchange looks, neither still not daring to admit out-loud on the air that she is a cat. “…weird.” Ken agreed.
“Yes. Weird, that’s it. But, hey. If these numbers are accurate, she’s our Nation’s first female Commander in Chief.” Newscaster Barb attempted to smile, but it was a grin with sad eyes.
“They are saying that the impeached President is complaining about the barracks that he and the first lady are being kept in.” Ken said and he almost chuckled.
“Oh, yeah, here’s a tweet.” Almost cheering up Barb said. “I think you can tell it’s him!”
“I don’t think he knows the Republicans won Barb.”
“No. He sure doesn’t Ken. What time is it over there?” Barb looks at the time-stamp on the tweet. “Oh. Oh my. Oh well.”
Over the next couple of months, the Impeached President and his first lady were stashed away in a dingy barrack, in some undisclosed location. Far worse off than they would have fared under house-arrest. Guards changing shifts took photos of them, and let a few tweets be sent out every now and then to verify that they were unharmed. The guards posted images of the impeached POTUS eating the unglamorous mushy food, the dingy bunks they slept on, and the barrack bathroom with a hole in the floor as a toilet they were required to use (instead of the gold toilet the con-man had owned before he became POTUS). These photos were posted regularly on social media, using both the dictator’s official government accounts and the phone with access to the @real………… accounts of the impeached POTUS.
When they let him login and tweet once or twice then took the unlocked phone away from him. Then they would tweet on his phone for a while. The regular posts were mirrored and translated for all the world to see.
Worse was the daily feed when the maid cleaned their prison cells, their guards locked them in separate cages and posted the live-feed videos of them peering out like zoo animals. When the first lady pleaded to see her son, the guards told her nothing. Let her assume the worst — as if they had lost her son, like too many refugee children taken away from their parents. When the maid was done in their rooms she would glare at them until they looked up, turn her back, and stand there for a couple of seconds before she walked away. She was wearing a special army green maid’s tunic. On the back in white paint in English were the words. I REALLY DON’T CARE. DO YOU?
Christmas and New Years 2021 happened while 45 was a “guest” in asylum. Meanwhile knowing the ex-first family were technically safe and conveniently costing the US nothing, the slow to act Congress and the lame-duck Vice President (now POTUS 46) argued over what actions to take.
Impeached POTUS got REAL actual lumps of coal in a stocking for Christmas and made his New Year’s resolution to lose weight for the first time ever.
Back in the United States after the election results were counted.
“It’s time to heal the Nation. We have a new President-elect to unite the people regardless of political party.” The vice-president-elect hollered triumphantly on the steps outside of the Capital. “It’s time to heal the Nation!” He repeated before security made a path to the car waiting to take him to the White House.
President-elect Green had easily won 411 electoral college votes, 270 are needed to win the election. Only a few “faithless” votes on the Republican side of the entrenched leadership stuck by the Vice POTUS. And that was that.
